Five Nights at Freddy's

All this movie needs is Nic Cage and it'd be fine.

The film mostly concentrates on Mike’s familial travails and history. It flails around trying to come up with psychologically resonant characteristics for its protagonist. It ends up with an inert and implausible narrative.

A so so adaptation that's entertaining enough, but a must-see for the expertly crafted animatronics.

Instead of catering to the in-built audience ready and waiting, "Five Nights" wastes time trying to win over people who couldn’t care less. As a result, what should’ve been an intricate, twisted, and absurd treat is demoted to generic horror movie sludge.

It strains to erect a supernatural universe while neglecting to fulfill the basic promises of a scary film built on a gag premise, stretching its dreary tale of trauma to nearly two hours.

It’s an uneven scarefest, but the bloodthirst is at least refreshing.

I don't know if my brain will maintain its cranial structural integrity...

Everything has a purpose and the designs are enough that OG fans will understand everything but new fans will also pick up on the clues that are being dropped through the design.

Five Nights at Freddy’s had everything working in its favor. The film’s cast has a solid cinematic genealogy. Jim Henson Creature Shop assisted with animatronics. FNAF fandom waited in anticipation for years, continuing to world-build and create lore.

A frontrunner for the top "Oh right, that is a real movie I saw" movie of the year but there's enough here to be likable enough for me in the moment.