Geostorm

The effects are pretty cheesy, but I like the premise and overall it's decently written. Heck, I'd pick it over most of Roland Emerick's films.

Is it a disaster movie, a political intrigue movie or an action flick? It tried to be all and didn't do any of them well.

What a waste of some talented actors time. The plot was predictable, the dialogue at times was a ridiculous hoot. I hope the pay was worth the loss of dignity that they endured. Kudos to the special effects team. If it hadn't been the storms and space station disasters, I wouldn't have been able to watch the whole movie.

Geostorm is the kind of movie that makes you wish for a real apocalypse just to escape its runtime. Directed by Dean Devlin, this sci-fi disaster flick tries to sell us on a world-saving weather satellite system but delivers a storm of stupidity so fierce it could sink Atlantis. Picture this: Earth’s climate is controlled by a space gizmo that’s basically a glorified sprinkler system with a “cause tsunami” button. Gerard Butler, growling like he’s auditioning for a gravel-voiced GPS, plays Jake Lawson, a scientist-astronaut tasked with stopping the machine from turning cities into CGI slushies. Spoiler: he doesn’t stop the film from freezing your brain cells. The script is a Category 5 disaster, with dialogue so clunky it could anchor a cruise ship. Gems like “The storm’s not the problem—it’s the conspiracy!” sound like they were scribbled on a napkin during a power outage. The cast, including a sleepwalking Ed Harris and a “who’s that?” Jim Sturgess, wade through this mess like they’re contractually obligated to drown. Subplots about family drama and a tacked-on romance have all the spark of a damp matchstick. Visually, Geostorm is a budget-bin Michael Bay knockoff. The effects look like they were rendered by a toaster, with storms so fake you’ll swear they’re stock footage from a weather app. The science? Let’s just say it makes flat-Earth YouTube videos seem peer-reviewed. Satellites zapping instant blizzards and heatwaves? Sure, and my toaster can probably time-travel. Pacing is slower than a sloth in a snowstorm, lurching between explosions and yawn-inducing “plot twists” you’ll see coming from orbit. By the time the villain’s revealed, you’ll be too busy checking your watch to care. Geostorm wants to be Armageddon but ends up a cinematic fart in a windstorm—loud, embarrassing, and gone in a whiff. Watch it for laughs with friends and a strong drink, or better yet, let this one blow away. Your Netflix queue deserves better.

How is this movie a disaster? This movie had decent visuals, characters had good background, world building could use some work, but other than that, I see nothing wrong with this film.

For those who remember the video store, this reeks of the "Straight to Video" style of movie. Somehow they managed to hire a bunch of decent names for a Dollar Tree script. Zero chemistry between the actors, especially the second and third level characters who seem to just be there to show some sort of clout. Typical evil white, male villain tops off this crap show that unfortunately has just continued that trope more than ever.

It was far from being a masterpiece, but it made for a nice way to waste a couple hours on a Saturday afternoon. The story was interesting, if a bit predictable and silly, and the special effects were just good enough to not be hated.

This movie was #10 in Netflix’s Top 10 over the weekend so I decided to give it a go. Was this a great movie? No it was not but IMO it should’ve received more favorable reviews. For a disaster thriller it has enough action and a somewhat decent story to make it worth watching.

Disaster movies are notoriously bad. I get it, and I went into this with low expectations. I did see that Ed Harris, Richard Schiff, and Andy Garcia were in it and like Charlie Brown, queued up to kick the football and landed on my foolish, gullible butt. Augh. I volunteer teaching creative writing to kids. If these children had workshopped this script they would have thrown it out for the ridiculous dialogue, inane plot, and transparent characters. I continued hoping the geostorm would strike while I was watching the movie to give me the sweet release of death.

I wish a geostorm would have taken me out in the first 10-minutes of this movie.