Geostorm

It is the kind of film in which having a British accent will get you punched in the face, but the fact that Gerald Butler talks like Sean Connery in that weird sequence from The Untouchables? Nobody cares.

The script, every scene of which you've seen 100 times already, ends with a sermon urging us to unite and salvage the future, though this rings hollow coming at the end of a $120 million exercise in sci-fi denial.

... the level of boredom I experienced during Geostorm ought to qualify as at least a second-degree felony in the state of New York.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit to giggling madly through the majority of this bit of B-grade hokum.

Not quite the geostinker people were expecting, but the outlook is far from favourable.

Watching Gerard Butler solve a whodunit is like watching ... chimpanzees move a piano downstairs: a kind of teeth-baring, flea-picking burlesque of recognisable human behaviour that's funny for a while until you start to worry about the ethics of it.

It plods along failing to muster even the slightest bit of energy.

For when the brain begs to watch the exact opposite of a brainy film: it's a fun popcorn movie that's also absurd and forgettable. Sometimes, we all need a Geostorm in our lives. [Full review in Spanish]

I'm generally okay with disaster movies being dumb, so long as they can construct entertaining action sequences with charismatic characters. Geostorm has none of those things.

Geostorm offers a few unexpected, if ironic delights. If you've ever wanted to see Ed Harris lift an RPG launcher from the trunk of a car, this is your chance.