Goal! 2: Living the Dream

Despite the predictable, clich-riddled script, the soap-opera hokum that passes for drama, Goal II somehow works.

Goal II clumsily telegraphs all of its moves far in advance.

I won't tell you the result, but I will say that Arsene Wenger would be wise to avoid Goal 2 in case he suffers from terminal apoplexy.

A machine might have directed this, but it has a few more welcome touches of comedy than the first one.

One long, product-placing, non-speaking-cameo-packed infomercial.

Ultimately, this is relegation fodder from start to finish.

If your kids play soccer, they may appreciate this tall tale of Santi's rise from obscurity to shin-padded glory, but once you pop in the DVD, chances are you won't want to stick around.

Bullet time, pixellation, flashy graphics, slow-motion-sweat, all wrapped around a rather flimsy story about the kid from the barrio dealing with paparazzi, millions of fans and a salary in the millions of Euros.

The idea of turning a 10-minute idea into a trilogy of movies seemed imposing at first, but Goal II continues the franchise's recipe of personality over originality.

One isn't eager to see extra time played and the 'To be continued' line at the end is more ominous than enticing. Once again, film-makers demonstrate that old adage, never give soccer an even break.