Monster Trucks

At times, Monster Trucks faintly echoes E.T., but it has all the grace of a jacked-up Ford F-150 with a four-link suspension and tractor tires crushing a row of cars by steamrolling atop them.

Audiences could do (and have done) a lot worse than this genial throwback to a time when Kurt Russell was Disney's #1 living, breathing attraction.

These elements are all well and good, but if you're above the age of 12, it becomes considerably harder to reconcile the sporadic tone-deafness.

Think "Pokemon" with wheels, "Fast and Furious" for kids, "Speed Racer" with a plot you can follow, and "Free Willy" for gearheads with a touch of "Scooby-Doo."

Monster Trucks is a wreck, fueled by the crazy belief that noise and repetition can disguise the lack of credible writing, directing, acting and FX.

The secret to this movie is to accept it's all nonsense and enjoy the ride.

TODAY! TODAY! TODAY! The worst movie on four wheels! No adrenaline pumping action! Monster Trucks! We'll sell you the whole seat... to make it easy to take a nap!

A by-the-numbers family friendly picture which is so harmless that it ends up being quite charming.

It doesn't have any kind of poisonous message, and it doesn't contain anything that might be seen as offensive or derogatory. It just doesn't have much of anything else either.

More than anything, it's a textbook example of what the people who make movies try to pass off as entertainment in January.