Pain & Gain

For [Michael Bay], storytelling exists only to justify senselessly bashing some big shiny noisy stuff into other big noisy shiny stuff till your ears bleed for mercy.

Maybe he's trying to do 'GoodFellas'-style dark comedy (the copious voice-overs would certainly suggest it), but put as charitably as possible, Bay is no Scorsese.

While Pain & Gain often frustrates, Bay's overwhelming cinematic sense is undeniable.

Pain & Gain weighs about 700 pounds when it ought to weigh 2.

Rather than take its true crime caper inspiration seriously, it pawns off its real-life players as dumb action figures and has little respect for the victims involved either.

Might this be the best Michael Bay film ever? We know what you're thinking. But we mean it in a good way.

The felonies fall apart due to phenomenal stupidity - and audiences are supposed to laugh at the extreme amateurishness of this band of beefy crooks.

Adds up to more pain than gain.

A tonally erratic and consistently irksome true-crime farce that plays out like a GoodFellas for Dummies.

It might sound wrong of me, but Pain & Gain could be one of Bay's more decent watching films.