Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

Snake Eyes seems to barely recognise the talents of the cast it has on hand.

It's the franchise that nobody wanted, featuring characters that nobody cares about and starring an actor who struggles with the basics of the craft.

Snake Eyes finally speaks, but with frustrating action scenes, a middling story and unearned sequel-baiting, there's not much here that's worth listening to, or watching.

A shoddy opening, an intriguing middle, and a deflated conclusion. 'Snake Eyes' is as mixed a bag as they come.

And on the seventh day, God ended his work and rested. Because even for him, enduring this whole endlessly puerile blockbuster mishegas one more time was, if He was being honest, divinely exhausting.

Compared to other Hollywood blockbusters, Snake Eyes is better than fine - but there are hundreds of Asian and Southeast Asian action movies that run circles around the final product here. At least Golding and Koji got theirs.

Henry Golding is FANTASTIC IN THE MOVIE & he SAVES THE FILM. Without him I would of found the film boring. The action is too shaky & will give some headaches, & even the story here is way too much.

With a confusing plot, a large amount of shaky cam, and some dated ninja clichés sprinkled throughout its excessive runtime, Snake Eyes never really finds its narrative footing.

It’s brought down by the story’s slow patches, the weird mystical goofiness, and the odd choice to leave G.I. Joe on the backburner. Snake-Eyes doesn’t even put on his signature mask and visor until the final scene.

The issue is the lifelessness of it all. Lots of action films are unoriginal or over-reliant on set pieces, but the better ones tend to have a bit of joy to them. This dour tone chokes the life out of its star.