Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

I can't think of one memorable combat scene. How sad is that?

I'm not going to say much about the plot other than it's all as absurd and as nonsensical as it sounds.

Thankfully funnier and less serious than its predecessor, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out of the Shadows is still juvenile and simplistic storytelling.

This is no one's idea of a must-see movie, but if your expectations are nil you might be pleasantly surprised.

A gorgeous, hot mess of CGI motion-capture and live action that, while true to the anarchic spirit of the original comics, is also 99% overkill in virtually all respects.

Forget cowabunga, this is cowadunga.

This 2016 sequel is a big empty nothing constantly recapping its own empty nothingness.

The Ninja Turtles aren't engaging characters, in part because the motion-capture tech used to animate them will once again send chills down your spine, entering the Uncanny Valley of mutants, and in part because they're poorly written.

Shell shock.

It's a weird, dumb premise featuring weird, dumb characters. Green has done an admirable job making a moderately weird, dumb and fun movie out of it.