The Legend of Hercules

This film should be removed from theaters as soon as possible to avoid damaging the brains of people who have the misfortune of seeing it.

No one seems to have high hopes for it - though it might well help to pass a wet afternoon when it shows up on Netflix 15 minutes from now.

The lore of Hercules has spanned centuries, yet it's unlikely to ever see a more generic treatment on film than that of Renny Harlin's overblown origin story.

This origin story of the great hero Hercules (Lutz) of Greek mythology lacks even one semi-decent action piece.

Essentially a Monday Night Raw episode with mythological dressing.

The dialogue isn't dubbed, but is written and delivered so indifferently that it might as well have been.

With such minimal adherence to both the origins and famed labors recounted in Greek mythology, there's very little that relates it to the eponymous hero.

Lunkhead Kellan Lutz is the demigod's density in Renny Harlin's 300-lite, MST3K-ready retelling of the classical legend. Think Jesus with muscles, by the power of Greyskull.

The Legend of Hercules - a Herculean effort and experience.

Less 300, more 2.99: cheap in every sense of the word but the cost - and all the more glorious because of it.