Vampires Suck

Mocking the vampire vogue like a child pulling pigtails (hard), this is playground humour, and the school is definitely gross-out.

It's almost as cynical as the actual Twilight, and not nearly as funny.

All but the most die-hard fans can agree that the Twilight movies are spoof-worthy. So it's too bad they don't get a worthy spoof.

They don't suck as much as lame-brain parodists Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

It's almost fascinatingly awful, nailing the moony tedium of its target franchise with something close to suicidal exactitude.

The last time I heard a film audience in such a state of silence was during Ingmar Bergman's Winter Light.

Vampires Suck sucks.

It's been two whole years since the team of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer subjected us to one of its godawful parodies. Alas, the vacation is over.

With the level of humor here running to flatulence jokes, groin kicks and high-school smart-aleck cracks, their movie does, indeed, (surely no other critic in the world will be this clever) SUCK!

A witless, slavish pastiche of the series of romantic dramas based on Stephenie Meyer's Twilight novels. It is a knowing film that knows nothing about comedy.